Coping With Grief During The Holidays

The holidays are a joyful, yet painful, time of the year.  Anticipating the first Christmas without a recently deceased loved one can be frightening and painful. Here are some ways to help us through the holidays. Healing is a personal experience that takes time. So be tolerant and compassionate with yourself as you continue to heal.

1.Find people you trust and with whom you feel comfortable, and talk about your feelings before the actual holiday or day of celebration. Keep talking and ask them to keep listening. Talk candidly about the person who was a special part of your life, including their name in your conversations and embracing your memories of them.

2.When you're afraid of wearing out your welcome, or wearing out the listener's ears, start writing a journal. Write down your thoughts, feelings, whatever you need to get off your chest.

3.Give yourself permission to cry---alone or with someone who will accept your tears without trying to turn them off. God gave us tears to shed---not to bottle them up. They're poison that needs to be cleansed from our bodies.

4.Listen to your body, and learn to be aware of stress. Then learn to relax.

5.Exercise.

6.Emotionally, physically and psychologically, the holidays are draining.  You need every bit of strength. Get proper nutrition and rest.

7.Remember your loved one. Make a list of all of the positive things you can remember about that person, all the good memories.

8.Reach out to others. Do something nice for someone.

9.Pamper yourself. Buy yourself a nice gift.

10.In the case of the death of a loved one, buy a beautiful Christmas candle and light it each day during advent as a reminder of your loved one.

11.If wrapping gifts seems too difficult, ask someone to help you or to do it for you.

12.It's okay to change family traditions. It may help to do things just a little differently.

13.Give a special offering to your church or favorite charity in memory of your loved one.

14.Stick to your regular routines---wake -up time, bed-time, go to work, church, etc.

15.Make a list of things to do.

16.Give yourself permission to laugh and enjoy the holiday.

17.Concentrate on the good things. Try to keep your thoughts and attitude positive.

18.Be reasonable about your expectations for the holidays.

19.Be gentle and patient with yourself.

20.Tell your family and friends what you need from them during this difficult time.

21.Thank God for the years you had / have had with your loved one.

22.If hanging up a Christmas stocking for the loved one, do something different with the stocking. [fill it with notes or flowers, something they enjoyed].

23.If they have passed away, place a wreath or appropriate flowers on the resting place. It's okay to share the holiday season with them.

24.Again--talk and cry, talk and cry. Talk to a trusted friend, a counselor, a pastor. Talk to God, talk to your loved one. Take time daily during the holiday season to express your grief. Cry if you need to; remember with joy the good times. But whatever you do, don't pretend that it hasn't changed.